primalmommy on sat 27 dec 03
Wise Lili says,
>Whenever the topic comes up, we all dance around the painful reality
that making choices always means>giving up something of value to gain
something else of value.
I have to chime in here, because taking responsibility for those choices
is one of my favorite soapbox rants.
I am by no means homesteading or living in poverty; I had to laugh when
a recent poster said "I'm no primalmommy" -- I said aloud, "Neither am
I"! I spout about some of the things I do -- cloth diapers, canning and
gardening, chickens and thrift shops -- but some on-line friends have
completed the picture based on those details to create a
larger-than-life version of me and are amazed when we meet in person.
Elca Branman, bless her heart -- when I visited her in Florida -- said
"what, no homespun?" A visitor I'd known for 6 years on-line in a
voluntary simplicity listserver -- said, in shock, "You use paper
towels?"
So I have learned that it's easy to unintentionally make a caricature of
oneself on line.. and I will be cautious here with disclaimers. There's
a big one at the end of this post.
We are not poor. We have indoor plumbing and everything. We have a wood
stove with a cook top but also a furnace and a regular kitchen with a
gas stove. I make pots in winter in a linen closet but have a nice shed
out back I lovingly call "my studio" -- wheels, kiln, the whole works.
We live in Ohio, where real estate is cheap -- on an unfashionable
little street in a 50 year old blue collar neighborhood, in a house we
bought at a tax auction, 5 of us in a 2 bedroom, and we are just
totally, unabashedly happy.
It's remarkable how little it takes to have a good life.
Here's the choice we made: I chose to marry a bartender and put him
through school. I have letters behind my name and a nice resume, but
once hubby had a job, I chose to quit my job to stay home with babies,
and then chose to homeschool my kids. Thus I unchose a double income and
financial "breathing room".
I was amazed to learn how little we needed to have a good life. This was
NOT the way I was raised; in fact, I was one of the little snobby little
"rich" kids on the school bus who used to call my current neighborhood
"dogpatch" . It took some adjusting to live on a budget but I love the
idea of "beating the system", and celebrated -- still do -- the idea of
"use it up, wear it out, make it do or do without".
Amy Daczyzyn's "Tightwad Gazette" series was my resource and my
inspiration.
Life with babies was incredibly cheap. I bartered for cloth diapers that
lasted me 8 years. A primitive baby sling and breastfeeding meant no
bottles, bouncers, play pens, high chairs, cribs, (they slept with us),
no disposables, formula, and all my kids' clothes came from resale shops
and garage sales (still do.) My kids don't know Tommy Hilfinger from
Walt Disney. They don't watch commercial TV (or see movies until the
video hits the library and the marketing push is long past.) PBS,
documentaries, computer stuff works fine.
In our town the best things in life/culture are free: weekly trips to
the Toledo Museum of Art, the extensive Metroparks with their naturalist
programs, homeschool science labs at the Lake Erie Research Center, time
in my dad's woods/at the lake, family nights at Toledo Symphony, and a
glorious downtown library to name a few.
My kids are proud of their garden plots, of their creative, musical and
athletic skills, social service projects, their scout awards and
interesting pets, but don't pay much attention to what wt
drive/wear/own. That suits our values just fine.
Garage sales and thrift shops are a gold mine in a consumerist society;
we have come up with everything from microscope to appliances to
computers and power tools for pennies because somebody bought a newer,
bigger, shinier one. Drive through the nice neighborhoods on general
pickup day after christmas and look at the nice shiny outgrown bikes
left out for the trash man. It should be about February when folks
figure out they never use the new treadmill and it ends up in a second
hand sports equipment shop. People leave computers on the curb because
it never occured to them to clean the CD-Rom drive or get a new mouse.
"It broke. Buy a new one." It's a good time to be a creative scrounger.
My kids really don't whine about wanting stuff we don't have. They love
tent camping at KOA campgrounds when we travel, and I have time to
garden, cook from scratch, bake and preserve and make our own, so they
are used to "real food" and wouldn't recognize a ho-ho or "lunchable' as
a food product (if it weren't for parties, team snacks and scout
events).
Ready for the disclaimer? Life got more expensive on us. My oldest is
now 10. His lego robotics team (they built a Mars rover) is going to the
state competition. That means travel, hotels, team expenses. He is
getting braces on his teeth, 3 grand for just the pre-braces phase. His
brother -- and sister -- will need them next. Suddenly life is more
complicated than "live simply." Piano lessons are adding up; musical
instruments are next. And mini-mansion sprawl elsewhere in our township
means our property taxes are going sky high -- along with electric
bills. (My electric company -- first energy -- is the one that caused
the major blackout last summer.)
My hubby's income provides the roof over our heads, health insurance,
and all the necessities... note my list of "necessities" does not
include new clothes/new anything, hairdressers, credit cards of any
sort, or nights out on the town. (We make our own "fine wine".) I've
been back in this town 12 years and have never been to the mall.
In the past my pottery has provided me with an annual trip to
Appalachian Center for Crafts for a week in summer, along with
supporting the studio and giving us a nice tax write off. As I got
better and the kids got bigger, my pot sales (mostly on line) paid for a
few more workshops, my hubby's lathe, and some left over to cover us
when there was too much month at the end of the money. I got a
scholarship to cover last year's workshop, and took on a few private
wheel students.
But the heat is on, with our cost of living on the rise and the kids
outgrowing shoes at an amazing rate. I have taken on a couple of evening
classes at the guild, though I would rather be making pots; but it's all
a choice, like Lili says. My kids understand that we could live in a
bigger house, buy more stuff, etc. if I went back to work full time, and
they went to school/daycare. The older they get, the more I want to
include them in our family's choices, and thus far, they prefer have me
home and do without extras. So I will teach clay in the winter, make a
bunch of the stuff I sell on line when the studio warms up in summer. My
littlest is 5, no more washing diapers, more time to make work. That's
work to make money, with pots/teaching, and work to save money, with
garden/canning/making do. One or the other wouldn't do it; you need
both. People do it. David Hendley and his wonderful wife have made a
life of it.
More disclaimers: I don't know if we would take chances financially if
we were "working without a net". We do have health insurance and
families who could help us out in a disaster situation. It is a matter
of pride for us not to ask for anything we have not earned ourselves...
but that doesn't mean I am giving back the two Richard Aerni coffee cups
my mom got me for Christmas ;0)
Yours, Kelly in Ohio.. trying out new sleds today on the only hill in
town.. smiling about Janet "on queer street" and Tony worried about
someone getting his scalp (uh, Tony? ...)
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