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a quick primer on tools

updated wed 14 mar 12


marci Boskie's Mama =3D^..^=3D on tue 13 mar 12

>Since most of us are not only clay junkies but also tool junkies, I
>thought I d pass along this handy chart which identifies the uses of
>many of the tools out there.
You're welcome :O)
marci the chinapainter

> Tools Explained For The Handyman In Most Of Us
> DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly
> snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it
> smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room,
> denting the freshly painted project which you had carefully s=
> in the corner where nothing could get to it.
> WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them
> somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light.
> Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from finge=
> in about the time it takes you to say, "Shit!"
> SKIL SAW: A portable cutting tool used to make studs too shor=
> PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the
> creation of blood-blisters.
> BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to conver=
> minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.
> HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija
> board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked,
> unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence i=
> course, the more dismal your future becomes.
> VISE-GRIPS: Generally used after pliers to completely round o=
> bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be us=
> to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.
> OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various
> flammable objects in your shop on fire.
> Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out o=
> which you want to remove a bearing race.
> TABLE SAW: A large stationary power tool commonly used to
> launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.
> HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the
> ground after you have installed your new brake shoes, trappin=
> the jack handle firmly under the bumper.
> BAND SAW: A large stationary power saw primarily used by most
> shops to cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that mor=
> easily fit into the trash can after you cut on the inside of
> the line instead of the outside edge.
> TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the maximum tensile
> strength of everything you forgot to disconnect.
> PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the vacuum seals
> under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans an=
> splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the nam=
> implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.
> STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER: A tool for opening paint cans. Sometime=
> used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable scre=
> and butchering your palms.
> PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that cl=
> or bracket that you needed to remove in order to replace a 50
> cent part.
> HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to make hoses too short.
> HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer
> nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most
> expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit.
> It is especially valuable at being able to find the EXACT
> location of the thumb or index finger of the other hand.
> UTILITY KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of
> cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works
> particularly well on fingers, or on contents such as seats,
> vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazine=
> refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful
> for slicing work clothes, but only while in use.
> SON-OF-A-BITCH TOOL: Any handy tool that you grab and throw
> across the garage while yelling "Son of a Bitch!" at the top =
> your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you wi=
> need.